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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Story of My Life................

I decided I should tell my story since I started this blog with very little information about myself for my readers. I grew up in the very small town of Boyne City. It's in northern Michigan, and yes winters are very cold! My family life was very unpleasant. I had an alcoholic stepdad, an abusive mother........in every way, physical, mental, and verbal, and two beautifully annoying younger sisters that I eventually grew to love. It didn't take long for me to hit the road when I turned 18. I said adious to that lifestyle. I lived in a few surrounding cities and eventually ended up in East Lansing, Michigan where I met the man of my dreams, who I now call my husband. This is were I put the past behind me and started the life I now love to live. Joe and I dated for several years and even bought a house before commiting to marriage. We have been happily.........well most of the time......married for almost 3 years now! Our first year of marriage was a very trying time for us. My sister Kasara came to live with us, which has been a wonderful blessing and we decided right after our wedding that we wanted to try for children and were succesfully pregnant by the end of May, only two months of trying! The pregnancy was rocky right from the start. I had horrible bleeding from about 6 weeks until the end, making several trips to the emergency room, and with each trip the doctors said I had a survivor. I had developed a subchorionic hematoma behind the placenta and it continued to grow instead of being reabsorbed. On Sunday September 10th, I couldn't find little Nathan's heartbeat, I was terrified and knew in my heart that he was gone but I went to the ER yet again and they claimed to hear his heart beating. The next day, I went to see my doctor, where they confirmed the loss of my son. My heart died with my son and I didn't know how I was ever going to come back from that. We were sent to the hospital where I was induced and delivered Nathan, he was so tiny, yet so perfect. We held him for a long time, memorizing every detail of his frail body, while trying to find peace in what had just happened. There has never been a day that I don't think about my little angel. I wanted children so badly that we starting trying again shortly after the loss, I also believed this would help with the healing process. I was wrong. It was like putting salt into an open wound. I had 2 miscarriages. My body was not ready to handle another pregnancy so soon.

We finally anounced that we were pregnant again in May '07. The whole pregnancy was a nightmare because I was so afraid that I was going to wake up and the baby would be gone. I set goals through out the pregnancy and allowed myself to be a little happier once I hit certain weeks. I think I began to relax a little when I could feel her move. Before I knew it, I was only weeks from giving birth. I was so nervous that something bad was going to happen that I convinced my doctor to give me an induction.....which is a whole other post! So on January 7th I went to the hospital for an induction and Miss Veda Elizabeth was born into the world on January 8th weighing 6lbs 13oz!!!!! I never knew my heart could feel so much love again. She is a true miracle and blessing from God. I know she is here because my little Nathan was watching over her. He had a job to do and he did it well. I knew that God had a plan for him, I just didn't know it was going to be watching over his little sissy! Although I am still saddend by my loss, I have comfort in knowing he is in a better place. God Speed little man...........

3 comments:

Mama Sheids said...

1.4.3

Tutu said...

Thank you for sharing that. I have "known" you since my days of trying to conceive Luke...from the AOL MTM board....but never really knew your full story. It brought tears to my eyes.

Kristine said...

Thanks for sharing, Tabitha. I'm so sorry for your losses but I know Veda has helped heal your soul.